I take a deep breath and enter the department of unemployment. A lady tells me to sit down and wait for my name to be called. Everyone one is looking at me. Even the unemployed people that smell are looking at me. I feel so ashamed.
Finally, after 30 minutes my name is called. ‘Hello,’ I say ‘I do not have a job anymore because I am so sad and I need some money to live on until I can pull myself together but it might not happen straight away as I think I have the depressions and it is all because of a girl…’
‘That’s awful,’ sighs the girl behind the desk.
I look up. It is The Girl I Love With All My Heart. God she looks gorgeous in her government uniform.
‘Before I met my boyfriend I too had the depressions. But my boyfriend made me love myself again and now I am so happy. Are you on any medication?’ she continues.
I nod, sign the government benefit form, and start to cry.
I google search her name. I find her secret blog! I do not wish to read it. I do not want to read it. I will never ever read it. I open her blog and read every single word she has written about him. It is painful beyond words.
Monday mornings post is called: He is my everything. I vow never to read her blog again.
Wednesday mornings post is called: Babies. I try locking myself in the bathroom all day.
Thursday mornings post is called: Orgasms. I phone my service provider and beg them to close my Internet account immediately.
Friday mornings post is called: Big Boy. I give my computer to a homeless person called Steven and cry and cry and cry.
I receive a facebook message. It is a friends request from the girl I love with all my heart. I accept her invite and click on her profile page. Her status message reads: Last night my boyfriend took some black and white pictures of us semi-naked and completely entwined. You can see them in the photo album entitled: 'artful naked'.
I delete my facebook account and start to cry.
The phone rings. I pick it up. It is the girl I love with all my heart. 'Hello,' I say. The girl I love with all my heart replies: Hello. I have just had a triple orgasm. My boyfriend is brilliant in the bedroom. I have never been so satisfied in all my life.
I slam the phone down and start to cry.