Stuff in the air

Met a girl I used to know. Have a drink. Stuff in the air. Ask about her current fortune. She shakes her head. I light a cigarette and remember the past. Passionate. Car crash. Hanging on for both our lives. How about you, she asks. I shake my head. Lonely, she sighs, licking her pink glistening lips with the tip of her tongue. I nod. Stuff in the air.

I know want she's thinking. But it wouldn't work. She likes bastards. I wouldn't stand a chance. Broken in two. Torn to pieces. Sip my drink. Contemplate sleeping around. Ignoring her needs. Treat em mean. Pretend I don't give a fuck. Spend the day impressing mates. Ignore the phone calls. I know how to do it - I just don't like the rules. She licks her lips once more. I smile. She smiles. Stuff in the air.

I watch her reminisce. I gave her stuff. Stuff the bastards could never give. I made her feel. Really feel. I noticed the tiniest things about her. I made her question the reason she sleeps with six-foot shaven-headed ice blocks that leave her crying on the floor. She smiles at me. I smile at her. Stuff in the air. Fucking hell.

Then it begins. Sucks me in. Pushes me away. She licks her lips more slowly this time. Allowing the wine to linger a little longer. Begins to play with the chain around her neck. Smiles. Doesn't say a word. Not a single word. Just leaves me hanging. Waiting. Wanting. Say something. Anything. Nothing. Not a single word. Then with one dismissive shake of the head, she pushes me away once more. Torn to pieces. Broken in two. She just laughs. She just laughs.    

Time to go. Just one more, she begs. Still playing with the possible maybes. Life. Politics. Teenage nightmares laying naked on the table. She is amazing. Fucking amazing. If only she knew. But she doesn't know. That's why she likes bastards. Treat em mean. Torn to pieces. Playing with fire. Stuff in the air. She smiles at me. I hold back the tears. Time to go. Time to go.

Comments

[The Girl]

Beautiful, Andre.

[andre]

Reading it maybe - writing it, was fucking hell.

[Blatherskite]

I'm booking this space early, knowing how difficult it is to get a decent slot in this commentary...whilst I gather my thoughts.

[andre]

ha

[andre]

am still trying to gather my thoughts too.

[Blatherskite]

I am waiting for a telephone call
I leaf though a book of prints I love, distractedly
I am in a crowded restuarant with friends, I am suffering
I am alone in a cafe, I'm cold
How blue the sky was and how great was hope
I wake up in a flash and reverse the direction of my fall

[andre]

'reversing the direction of one's fall'

Yes.

Older. Wiser.

[Blatherskite]

Outside of all that - it's the best thing I've read today.
My, my - what fuel torture brings!
(I think that stuf in the air is petrol - it's making me wince)

[kermit]

it's just different discount rates, andre. it takes - well i don't know what it takes - to forgive the difference, especially since there's no 'natural' mechanism in place to at least calibrate the rhythm between two people, to ease the consequence of differing discount rates.

while i know it's a rotten thing to say, to some degree we are all replaceable. if we weren't would we still die?

[andre]

You are most kind Blatherskite.

'I know it isn't real. I know it's make believe. But everywhere I look, I can see it shimmering, glistening, like petrol in the sky'

[elizabeth]

wow. beautiful. so beautiful it got me out of lurkdome.

[rachel]

This is wonderful. The meaning of it strikes you in the face. It is tactile, wonderful, beautiful and frustrating all at once. Thank you for sharing.

[An Unreliable Witness]

Probably the best writing you've ever displayed in the whole time I've been reading A Beautiful Revolution, Andre. Utterly beautiful, moving and poetic. So good, in fact, that I don't even have anything remotely sarcastic to add as a sign-off.

...

Well, okay, that comment is far too sincere. So.

Hastard. I hate you. Writing brilliant stuff like that. Pssh.

[An Unreliable Witness]

Hastard?

Hell, now I can't even spell my insults properly. That's how moved I was by this piece of writing.

[Daisy]

Delurking to thank you for me making me blubber into my Weetabix. Good, cathartic blubbering. Absolute poetry Andre.

[Niki]

Hi; I found you via a friend's site. I just wanted to drop by and say 'cool'. It sounded better in my head

[Jack]

.

[Miss Tickle]

You know how to pull on a girl's heart.

*sigh*

[andre]

The morning after the night before and I wonder if I should have kept this particular post locked away in my head.

Miss Tickle: I am not sure it pulled on anyones heart.

Jack: Did you just leave a full stop?

Daisy: Sorry. And Thank you

Unreliable: It was all my Macs fault.

Rachel: Yes, 'beautiful and frustrating all at once'

Elizabeth: Hello

[mike]

Just came back for my second reading, slower than the first, recital speed, lingering over intonations, adding pauses, not the usual hit skim and run, letting it sink in. Glimpsing beauty in the bruises. Yes, that's art, that is.

[Mr Angry]

Time to go.

But did you go?

[Jack]

I left silence. Obscure silence.

http://mssv.net/wiki.cgi?ThePeriod

[andre]

Mr Angry: Yes I did go.

Jack: Now I understand.

Mike: thank you. I am still unable to read it back at a slower speed.

[Fussy Bitch]

Fuck. Ing. Hell.

That hurts then kisses it better on so many levels.

[andre]

'Hurt, then kisses it better'

You see, that is why it could never happen. A bastard would just hurt.

[clare]

[jealous]

[in many ways]

[keda]

oooh ouch!

ex's can be kryptonite.

next time wear full nerf body armour sweetpea.

[The Goldfish]

Been struggling to think of anything nice to say which doesn't sound a wee bit creepy. But you've broken my heart this morning. You've moved me before, but this was a first.

Damn.

[ronbailey]

Excellent stuff. I'm left speechless...

[Fussy Bitch]

My words seem more inadequate than ever right now but I'll try.

Reading the other side of the woman I have been hurts, realising that woman is no more kisses it better. Admitting that I can't go back hurts, going forward with confirmed awareness kisses it better.

Ick. It makes sense in my head...

[andre]

Yes. Makes sense in my head too.

But still the temptation to jump of the cliff and see what happens, remains.

[BOSSY]

Bossy has noticed that even Girls Who Like Bastards occasionally grow up. Or grow weary. A second look?

[andre]

Never look back. The future is in front of you.

[sammi]

No idea how to phrase thoughts into words. Creepily beautiful. And so so sad.

[summerofb]

its very beautiful. not for you though (i do understand that)

[Damian]

Ouch.

Superb writing. I'd forgotten you write as well as you draw.

[andre]

Lately my head has been full of doodles and there just hasn't been enough space in my tiny brain to write. I have missed writing. Soon I shall write and write and write.

[furtive]

oh andre! this love story of yours drives me mental! i always think "oh please kiss her", and you never do...it's so frustrating!

grr!

[andre]

Yes, sorry, Miss Furtive. I am really rubbish with girls. And anyway I would never kiss a girl, just like that. I am shy. The fear of rejection still haunts me.

Plus she only likes bastards. And I am not a bastards. We shall just remain friends.

[Miss Tickle]

It has pulled on my heart and I am a girl.

So ner.

[andre]

Yes Miss Tickle, but you are married!!! Goddamn it.

[Miss Tickle]

That does not mean that I have no feelings!

*flounces off*

[maryelizabeth]

wow, i've felt that recently.

[Tati]

I'm a silent reader. Although I now leave a comment for the first time, I'm more silent then ever....

Words used in such a way can't be for sale, Too valuable!!

[andre]

I am aware of my silent readers. My stats tell me that you are out there. And I understand why you prefer to read in silence. But, 'Hello silent readers'

*waves*

[Robin B]

excellent word craft, deeply moving
and yes the rest of ones life is in front not behind, the past is just a vapour trail of memories

[Fa]

Incredibly beautiful. I'm glad you chose to share.

[anxious]

I was feeling a bit teary at that post, and then I saw Unreliable's comment where he called you a "hastard" and I couldn't stop giggling...

Maybe you could get the bit of her mind which says "You shall only be with bastards", tippex out the bottom bit of the "b" and then she will only love hastards! And there's only one of them that I know of...

[karenology]

Beautiful, thank you.

Will add this to my 'Valentine's Day Sucks Day' reading list :)

[Vanessa]

Worst of all, sometimes I suspect I'm one of those girls.