a beautiful revolution: blog

Whilst the butterflies dance

In a Gothic theme park, we sat for a while. Drinking whisky from the bottle, eating jellied-eel from the stream. Tongue tied and hazy, I started to dream. Unimpressed and eccentric, she ate from the stream. Then a butterfly passed, and she let out a gasp, and I could no longer tell, if my dream stood a chance.

In a Gothic theme park, we sat for a while. She watched butterflies dance, whilst I played Russian roulette with my heart. I loaded the gun, wrapped my finger around the trigger, took a deep breath, and left it all to chance. ‘Kiss me,’ I shouted. Oh how she laughed. Playing Russian roulette with my heart, whilst the butterflies dance.

In a Gothic theme park, we sat for a while. Drinking whisky from the bottle, waiting for my chance. But she has left me now, in this gothic theme park. Wishing we could start afresh, take back all I asked. Nothing ventured nothing gained but oh the pain. Playing Russian roulette with my heart, whilst the butterflies dance.

The girl I love with all my heart: Six

I wander aimlessly down the street. Suddenly the girl I love with all my heart appears before me. 'I've stopped smoking,' I shout, 'kiss me now, kiss me now. I smell so sweet'.

The girl I love with all my heart scrunches up her dead cute face and says: You smell of poo. My boyfriend smells much nicer than you. He smells of pheromones and manly things. And he is extraordinarily rich. We are engaged to be married. Look at my ring. Have you ever seen a diamond so big?'.

I look at her ring and start to cry.

The girl I love with all my heart: Five

I am having a wonderful dream about naked ladies I've only just met. Suddenly the girl I love with all my heart appears at the foot of my bed. She is completely naked. 'Hello,' I say, 'have you come to join us?'

The girl I love with all my heart shakes her head, clicks her fingers, and the naked ladies that once draped across my bed suddenly turn into a hairy-arsed man. 'This is my boyfriend,' smiles the girl I love with all my heart. 'We are going to have sex now. You can watch us if you want, but we could be here all night - having sex with each other in every position known to man.'

After seven hours of utter hell, I finally awake from my torturous dream and start to cry.

The girl I love with all my heart: Four

 

My family and I stand over the grave and mourn the loss of Uncle Malcolm. Auntie Dawn is inconsolable. It is a desperately somber Wednesday afternoon.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a girl dressed in white, running barefoot through the meadow of the dead. It is the girl I love with all my heart. She is shouting: Boys have never satisfied my inner desires but my new boyfriend is unlike anyone I have met before. He has touched me in places I truly thought were dead. I have never felt so alive. I have never felt so alive.

She waves at me.

I wave back at her and start to cry.

The girl I love with all my heart: Three

There is a knock at the door. It is a delivery man. He is holding a six-foot seven-inch cardboard cutout of a man.  I sign the delivery man's receipt book and take the six-foot seven-inch mystery man into the kitchen. There is a card attached to it. It is from the girl I love with all my heart. The card reads: This is a life-size cardboard cutout of my boyfriend. As you can see, he is very handsome. And quite muscular.

I look at the cardboard man leaning against my freezer, light a cheap cigarette, and start to cry.

The girl I love with all my heart: Two

I open my curtains and let the sunshine in. It is a new day, I think to myself, it is a new life. But then I notice the girl I love with all my heart sitting in the tree outside my house. She is holding a placard which reads: I am having sex on a regular basis with my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. He is very handsome.

She waves at me.

I close my curtains and start to cry.

The girl I love with all my heart: One

You are beautiful, I say.

The girl I love with all my heart replies: I love a boy. He is my boyfriend. He is very handsome. I think you would like him.

I nod, and start to cry.

Stuff in the air

Met a girl I used to know. Have a drink. Stuff in the air. Ask about her current fortune. She shakes her head. I light a cigarette and remember the past. Passionate. Car crash. Hanging on for both our lives. How about you, she asks. I shake my head. Lonely, she sighs, licking her pink glistening lips with the tip of her tongue. I nod. Stuff in the air.

I know want she's thinking. But it wouldn't work. She likes bastards. I wouldn't stand a chance. Broken in two. Torn to pieces. Sip my drink. Contemplate sleeping around. Ignoring her needs. Treat em mean. Pretend I don't give a fuck. Spend the day impressing mates. Ignore the phone calls. I know how to do it - I just don't like the rules. She licks her lips once more. I smile. She smiles. Stuff in the air.

I watch her reminisce. I gave her stuff. Stuff the bastards could never give. I made her feel. Really feel. I noticed the tiniest things about her. I made her question the reason she sleeps with six-foot shaven-headed ice blocks that leave her crying on the floor. She smiles at me. I smile at her. Stuff in the air. Fucking hell.

Then it begins. Sucks me in. Pushes me away. She licks her lips more slowly this time. Allowing the wine to linger a little longer. Begins to play with the chain around her neck. Smiles. Doesn't say a word. Not a single word. Just leaves me hanging. Waiting. Wanting. Say something. Anything. Nothing. Not a single word. Then with one dismissive shake of the head, she pushes me away once more. Torn to pieces. Broken in two. She just laughs. She just laughs.    

Time to go. Just one more, she begs. Still playing with the possible maybes. Life. Politics. Teenage nightmares laying naked on the table. She is amazing. Fucking amazing. If only she knew. But she doesn't know. That's why she likes bastards. Treat em mean. Torn to pieces. Playing with fire. Stuff in the air. She smiles at me. I hold back the tears. Time to go. Time to go.