I lie on my sofa, bathe in the sun's final rays and begin to read my excellent book.
The cat enters the room. It rubs itself against my leg before nestling down in the armchair beside me. I smile at it briefly, as it joyously purrs, and continue to read my excellent book ... 'Hang on a minute' I think to myself, 'that's not my cat... I don't own a cat... that's the neighbours skanky cat'
I leap from the sofa, wave my arms frantically in the air, and chase it back into the garden, back over the wall, and back into the skanky house from whence it came. Cheeky bloody thing.
I return to my excellent book.
That cat is ENORMOUS
Posted by: scaryvanessa | May 15, 2006 at 05:16 AM
You've lost that loving feeling.
Posted by: skanky cat | May 15, 2006 at 05:16 AM
Vanessa - I am not scared of you! [well, okay, I am a little]
Skanky cat - you are not allowed in my house. If you do it again, I shall have no option but to kill you with my pellet gun.
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 06:39 AM
the cat will crawl back into your house at night, and sleep with you.
skanky!
Posted by: sany | May 15, 2006 at 07:06 AM
Cats are a good judge of character.
Perhaps the cat wanted to escape the land of skanky to come and live a respectable life with you!?!?!
Posted by: BBM | May 15, 2006 at 07:20 AM
BBM - that is a trick comment isn't it - you are working for the skanky cat aren't you ...
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 07:22 AM
What book? Which book are you reading that is excellent?
Posted by: anna p | May 15, 2006 at 07:43 AM
Anna p - Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre
It begins:
The best thing would be to write down everything that happens from day to day. To keep a diary in order to understand. To neglect no nuances or little details, even if they seem unimportant ...
which kind of grabed my attention
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 07:49 AM
Oooooooh, that's impressive.
Posted by: anna p | May 15, 2006 at 07:59 AM
Dear readers of A Beautiful Retribution,
For many months and, indeed, years I have laboured under the misapprehension that Andre Jordan of A Beatific Devolution was A Nice Man. A Very Nice Man. A bit like the man from the AA, then (that's Automobile Association rather than Alcoholics Anonymous), but without the yellow high-visibly jacket and a tow-truck.
Or something.
But now - NOW! - Mr Andrew Jardine of A Bountiful Dissolution has posted a drawing of a cat being sawn through with a saw, as saws do (saw, that is) - a saw that is presumably being manhandled (snigger, he said 'man' and 'handled'!) by the aforementioned Mr Andrea Johnson of A Breakable Resolution, though the image does not make that clear.
And I say: MUST WE THROW THIS CAT-SAWING HORROR AT OUR INNOCENT INTERNET KIDS?
We must not.
Imagine the face of your poor cat if it happened to be browsing the interwebnet disinformational superhighway ring-road (though not with a 'mouse', obviously - MOUSE! SEE? NO!) and it hit upon this here website, A Bendable Revelation. Imagine! Go on, IMAGINE! Are you imagining? I am. And what I am imagining is a very upset - nay, even traumatised - pussy. Have you ever seen a traumatised pussy? Well, it's not a pretty sight. Let me tell you.
Thank you, Mrs Slocombe.
We must stamp out all traces of cat nastiness from the log of the web web log blog of Mr Antonio Jordanio. And we must do so now. So if you are a cat, rise up in protest, I beseech you.
Cats may be skanky, sometimes. But at least they purr. Unlike elephants. Elephants do not purr. And they look silly trying to curl up on the window sill for a nap. I know these things. I had a wildebeest in my kitchen last night. Not to mention an elephant in my washing machine.
I rest my case. Stop this cat-astrophic cattishness right now, or else I shall meow loudly then clean myself in the middle of the living-room when you've got guests.
Or something.
Posted by: Vaughan | May 15, 2006 at 08:07 AM
Dear vaughan of wherever-you-once-were ... or was it ... wherever-it-all-began ... I can't remember ... it's been so long since you last updated the bloody thing ... some may say 'thank heavens for that' ... but I am not one ... anyway ... thank you for the best comment I have ever, ever recieved
[apart from imogens - hers was perfection itself - obviously]
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 08:28 AM
I want some of what he's having ( Vaughan )
Posted by: Virg | May 15, 2006 at 08:32 AM
Virg: be careful what you wish for - Glue is not for everyone!
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 08:35 AM
Anna p - I want a comment from Hobob Jehosefat
then I would have 3 bestest comments ever. And then I could start a new blog called 'the bestest comments I've ever had blog'
[I'm amazed that no one else has thought of it]
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 08:51 AM
Ah, but all those bestest comments ever could just be me under my pseudonym!
(I am having a very dull day, and this is entertaining me. It may not be entertaining any of you, but frankly I'm selfish and I don't care.)
Posted by: Vaughan | May 15, 2006 at 09:34 AM
I'm entertained Vaughan, best thing I've read on 'bestiality revelation' comments box in ages
Posted by: Robin | May 15, 2006 at 12:20 PM
hehe vaughan - soon as i spotted a comment 3 lines longer than is the norm, i knew it was you...
nevermind the blog - wheres the fucking book?!
and you andre.
WHERE IS IT????
Posted by: pink | May 15, 2006 at 05:14 PM
pink - I can see it now:
'Vaughan whereveryouare, man of mystery and slight delusion ... this is your life'
what do you mean not that book?
Posted by: andre | May 15, 2006 at 05:20 PM
hee hee thanks for cheering me...you Andre and all these comments tee hee I'm trying not to laugh out loud.
Posted by: guyana_gyal | May 22, 2006 at 01:25 PM