Why Go Out?

Why go out?

Stay in.

Friday nights are great.

I love them.

Sit at home. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Watch fuck all on tele. Spend a drunken evening talking to the bucket of Prozac pills resting between your knees. Order yourself a Chicken Tikka Masala. Browse the Guardians lonely-hearts section. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find someone whose whole miserable life; has been waiting for a boy like you.

Hurrah.

Then you can get married. Have a baby. She can have a fling. You can have a breakdown. She can book you both in to see a marriage guidance councillor. You can give it one last try. She can have a fling. Then you can have a bitter divorce and spent the next three years of your life tied to a tree dressed in a Batman outfit.

‘It’s not fair’ you can cry ‘The British justice system has something against me’

The News of the World will take your picture.

Channel five will make a documentary.

Then every psychopathic ex you foolishly slept with will come out of the closet and tell the ‘Max Clifford’ truth about your wonky cock.

Why go out.

Stay at home

Be a sad fuck like me

Comments

[theinsider]

Andre! You are not a sad fuck. And Friday nights aren't all about going out.

And what's this about a wonky cock? :::snicker::: Sorry, it's just fun to say. Especially if you say it in a British accent... lol. :)

[Dawn]

At least you can get a take-away chicken tikka masala. Have to go to a restaurant (dress, act sociable) or make it yourself (much bother) here. Don't move to Canada. Or at least not this part. Best to check with Sada before you visit. You may want to bring a take-away order with you. As a matter of fact, you can drop one off to me on your way by. Thanks, chuck!

[mag]

What a disastrous scenario, Andre-hope you stayed away from lonely hearts column; what a relief that friday is over in your part of the world. welcome to saturday's delights!

[amber]

I stayed in too.....I say as long as your enjoying your mmmm...good food...and your dark red wine...why the fuck not

[Darcy]

Hi Andre,

Ummm, so much for the break I guess, Uh? You lasted what, 16 hours? Well, that's pretty good, I guess.

I always stay in on Fridays, as I have to leave at 4 in the morning on Saturday. It's way better than dealing with all the drunks on the road. Cheer up, at least you have chicken, it's more than I have. I am starving, but can't be bothered to get up and get anything...I know, it's pathetic. So see, your life isn't all bad.

[Mike Da Hat]

I tried staying in last night but these rapper dudes, who have a single on Radio one right now turned up at my gaff wanting to borrow my PA system, they'd been let down badly. So much for a quiet night. We were off in a taxi with speakers stands amplifier and mixing desk. Hey ho. But it aint boring and I didn't end up tied to a tree dressed as batman.
Life is great, life is a bust,
you do what you do you do what you must.........and you do it well.

[andre]

Hurrah its saturday morning now

Friday nights are shite and so are mini breaks.

[andre]

oh and I don't have a wonky cock

*just thought I'd point that out*

[The Girl]

Wonky cock? Hmmm. Not such a bad thing, in my opinion *cough*

And, I reckon Saturday nights are worse. Ugh.

[anna (littleredboat anna)]

Oh!

Friday nights are the shittestest, yes - but oh is it my fault because i wrote silly columns advising against going out - oh no!

Oh andre. Sorry.

[andre]

hi anna - please don't sue me - i was just a little bored and so I thought I'd write my own 'Why go out'

[andre]

The Girl - I DO NOT HAVE A WONKY COOK - I REPEAT - NOT WONKY

[Virg]

I'd eat take aways toooo if I were you!!!...... I understand you not wanting to eat in if you have a hmmm "wonky cook" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ha ha ha !!! or was that just a typo !!!!

[andre]

COCK - BLOODY TYPOS

[The Girl]

Look, I'm most unhappy with all this attacking of wonky cocks - in my experience I have found them to be rather fun. In fact, I would go so far as to say they can actually be most pleasurable.

I shan't explain why.

Just thought I should stick up for the Wonky Cock Collective, whoever and wherever they are.

[Vaughan]

Both Friday and Saturday nights are Highly Fucking Overrated. In my Not So Humble Opinion.

I don't bother getting worried about it anymore.

"What did you do on Friday evening?"

"I didn't drink, but I spent some time rearranging my CDs and classifying tracks on iTunes. I did not drink. I watched some bad telly."

Perfect.

[andre]

you spent the evening classifying tracks on iTunes?

[Vaughan]

Yes.

Go on, tell me I'm strange, I dare you.

[Vaughan]

Yes.

Go on, tell me I'm strange, I dare you.

[andre]

I dare not say it

[Peter]

The only thing worse than Friday night is Saturday night, and the only thing worse than Saturday night is Christmas Day.

I've just a couple of hours ago seen early Saturday evening in both Glasgow and Edinburgh, and am still recovering from the shock. Quite ghastly. Why do young girls have the need to dress as prostitutes and sit shivering on concrete walls? Should be home in bed with some Horlicks and a good book. I blame the parents, to be honest.

Our blogmeet kinda disintegrated when a 15 piece folk band started up at the next table. I'm not exaggerating. Of all the bars in all the world...

[andre]

oh how i would have loved to have been there.

[kras]

Any new pics? "Shoot" some more.

Ken

[chlamygirl]

saturday nights are the same, and sunday, and monday, and..... well you get the idea.

[froglicious]

Do they all come out from the same closet? If that's the case then they must be really good friends while they were in the closet? Or do they each come out from different closets? Must be lonely to have the whole closet to yourself.. Though they can still make friends with the spiders...

[Cathy]

You’re the one with the brains here. I’m wathcnig for your posts.

[Sagar]

Woah nelly, how about them apleps!