Incubo uno

At first I put it down to the weather, being dumped, and the fact that Tony and George were still ruling the civilized world. But after a while it became impossible to ignore, impossible to fight - The Demons were/are back. In fact they never went away. They just regrouped in the corner of my mind and waited, patiently, like a giant Cobra. Hisssssssssssssss.

I wish I could tell you how, why, or when it began, but I cannot. Depression is not a logical beast. It follows no rule of law. It is a cunt. Your very own Frankenstein – I say your, because it is yours, it belongs to no one else. It’s not real. You can’t see it. It’s an imaginary beast. But what a beast it is. Hisssssssssssss.

It doesn’t matter that people like you, love you, are charmed by you – They don’t understand. They are fools. Their words mean nothing – not a Goddamn thing. Hisssssssssssss.

Comments

[Celti]

I think those of us who fight that same beast understand more than you know.

[Lost]

I have the evil twins of your demons myself. Sometimes it's all I can do just to get out of bed. All I can say is hang on even if it's only by your fingernails.

[KW]

Yes, we are fools, but that doesn't mean we're not right. You are charming, and no demons, personal or otherwise, can change that. :)

[Mike Da Hat]

You did it before you can do it again. Get them all ridiculous again dressed up like Cab Calloway with their shiny shoes and dancing. It worked before didn't it?

[polarcirclechica]

Big hug to you Andre. If you can't fight it, maybe you can find a way to live with it...

[katie]

i am never good at knowing what to say. all i'll say is i wish i cud take your pain, tie it up, but it in a box and hurl it into the ocean.
since i cant really do that im sending u the biggest hug ever, and if i knew where u lived id also send u some toast. the loud munchy noises eating toast makes blocks out the demons in your head. tried and tested. mmm toast.

[Silver Lining]

Just more (((hugs))). I like Mike's plan.

[Natalie]

Andre, if you can, tell us the story of why it all went wrong with CSG? Maybe that would help. It doesn't make sense that she would suddenly dump you when up to then, she was the main one taking the initiative in this affair. And she sounded like a really sympathetic person (as well as being sexy etc.). Could a couple of bottles of wine really turn either or both of you into enemies? What happened? You didn't tell her about the blog, did you?

[kani]

NO COMMENT !

[varla]

Oh Andre, I'm so incredibly sorry. I am *still* utterly charmed by you though. If I was in London, I would give you a great big hug. You are a fantastic, talented, funny, sexy human being. Don't let those demons tell you otherwise. (I know you have to believe it yourself though...I know those depths, where you feel like you're curled up at the bottom of the well). We're here to give you a rope out, my friend.

[varla]

Oh Andre, I'm so incredibly sorry. I am *still* utterly charmed by you though. If I was in London, I would give you a great big hug. You are a fantastic, talented, funny, sexy human being. Don't let those demons tell you otherwise. (I know you have to believe it yourself though...I know those depths, where you feel like you're curled up at the bottom of the well). We're here to give you a rope out, my friend.

[Vaughan]

Demons are frustrating beasts. They never die, do they? They just get temporarily slain. I murder mine in particularly bloody ways every few months, and they let me get on with existence for a while. I hope you manage to put your demons out of your/their misery soon, Andre.

[Alba Gray]

Go and do some exercise, work it off. It really helps, honest. :-)

[Harry]

One day Hap the farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone! was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

[Dan]

As a teenager (17 here) i really look up to you.your intelligence and artistic ability at writing are both very admriable. your stories are comical true and for me very thought provoking. i hope that you will come to see that (at least for me anyway) you are a source for many people's hope. don't mean to sound like some crazed kid stalker or anything sorry if i do. maybe its the American in me.

[The Girl]

Nothing to add.

Depression sucks.

No-one understands.

But you are not alone - you are never alone...

[Lisa]

And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin~

[Linus]

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See the sea wants to take me
The night wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me?

I know it’s over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real

iPod now playing - I Know it's Over by The Smiths

[Vanessa]

I get the part about depression - I know it's not logical when it arrives - but I don't get the post. You got dumped, and you're depressed by coincidence? You mean there's NO link? confused.

[Caroline]

Bloody snake. Bloody black dog.

Feel the cyber love around you.

Do something you have never done before or go somewhere new.

[kimbofo]

Keep busy. *hugs*

[Anji]

Hugs

[winegirl]

I like this quote which I always think of when I'm feeling sad and/or fed up with my pathetic lovelife. I think it's by Emerson and hope I've got it right:

Though thou loved her as thyself
As a self of purest clay
Though her parting dims the day
Stealing grace from all alive
Heartily know when Half Gods go
The Gods arrive.

I think it means that though things feel so bleak right now you need to remember that maybe you just haven't found the right one yet and someone perfect for you is waiting round the corner. You take care and sending you big hugs from here xxxx

[TJ]

You'll get through it. Try my Beethoven's 9th technique. And keep writing - you know it makes sense.

[Edward]

suicide, it's the only option...

[PPQ]

Andre, I've too much to say so I'll send you a mail over the weekend.
But you've beat your sucker demons once before and you can do it again.
xxxxxxxxxx

and Edward - what sort of a fuckwit comment is that?

[bren]

Today's photo certainly captures the mood of the entry.
Purely tormented.
I'm sad for you Andre.

[Darcy]

Edward truly is a fuckwit....

[Alan]

My ex-wife used to suffer badly from depression. She used to describe it as like being at the bottom of a deep pit - you can see the light at the top but you have absolutely no idea how to get there.

28 comments - 29 now - just think of them as a rope ladder.

[julia]

Thanks for one's marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.I will make sure to bookmark your blog and will often come back at some point.

[erbjudanden stockholm]

Den bsta delen om att testa dessa produkter, r efter du r klar testar det, fr du inte bara behlla de objekt, ofta du kommer att f betalt ocks.
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